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If they are too "distant" and independent, they will likely seek a bond with someone else, he adds. But couples who have warm, supportive feelings for each other -- and express those feelings -- will stay married. "Researchers thought they would find those who wanted divorce had more problems," he says. "Unhappy couples say more negative statements than positive.

There's a very specific ratio -- three positive things for one negative." If your marriage is getting dusty and rusty -- if another guy has caught your eye -- think twice, three times, then think again before you act on it, advises Kaplan.

"If couples don't actively work on their relationship, then they drift apart. "Unfortunately, couples often get stuck in a pattern ...

a certain problem keeps coming up, and they are unable to solve it.

Frustrated enough, they may look for someone they don't have that conflict with." That's where a marriage counselor can help, he adds.

While parents often say the kids don't know about the affair, they will know something's wrong, Kaslow tells Web MD.

This is about problems in your marriage, what you're not getting from your marriage." "Having an affair always has a negative affect on a marriage," says Kaslow. But it doesn't always mean they have to end the relationship. "Those couples have a real responsibility to look at their problems, to look at what they're not getting in the marriage.

With better salaries and no children, the stakes seem low if they are caught.

"And it's not about sex, even though it may seem that it is.

That person represents the needs that you want fulfilled. I have seen couples get past affairs, but it's hard." Of course, when children are involved, the priorities shift dramatically to them.

I am not proud of it, but I got married young and hubby wasn't paying any attention to me. and I wanted a real relationship." For some cheating wives, the affair is truly all about sex, says Nadine Kaslow, Ph D, a family counselor and psychologist at Emory University School of Medicine. When you wait to get married when you're older and more mature, you make a better choice of the appropriate person, and you may be more engaged in the relationship." Also, not all affairs are flings, she points out.

I worked 12-hour days to come home every night to be by myself. "When they were dating, there was passion, they want that passion back. "Sometimes people develop an emotional connection, an emotional affair, rather than something sexual." For most women, an inattentive husband is indeed the biggest problem.

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